A new story by me - UPDATED WITH A DOUBLE CHAPTER!

[Fomalhaut]

Here's the link, it's actually the 3rd and last part of my trilogy, and, as I believe, the best so far. Please R&R, just to make me happy, a Christmas gift, and an 18th birthday gift! (the 20th)

www.fanfiction.net/s/2714646/1/

[Sparky]

I'll try to remember to read it after work.

edit: Nevermind, it's lunchtime so I read it and reviewed already. It's raining so I couldn't go for my usual walk.

[Fomalhaut]

Sparky, can you hint me why are you the only one that reads my fics (don't misunderstand me - your reviews are really the best ones, I mean, it's not just "Oh, it's good" or "This story stinks!", but constructive criticism, and you tell me what you like specifically, which I really appreciate)?
Sometimes I wonder if I should make up something silly with blood, gore, slash etc. to get readers, but then that won't be me.
It just makes me... sad. I do work hard on these stories, and worry if my English is good enough.

[Sparky]

You're getting it. It seems only the angsty, gory, and/or-at-least-pairings (slash or otherwise) fics get lots of reviews. Look at my stories, I mean, all of them. Some have been up for 5 years and have only one or two reviews. One has zero. Also, featuring Terrence is a sure way to turn people off, unless you make it slash and/or violent. It's really quite simple. If you want reviews, write what the majority wants (and be sure to post it only chapter by chapter so people feel like they have to review each one or you won't post more).

Or do what I do and don't give a rat's behind what other people think and how many reviews you get, and write what you want. It pays off in the end.

But I'll be honest with you on something else, your stories are very hard to read. Your formatting, especially with dialogue, is very strange, and I think you should work on doing it in a more standard way. The thing is, your *writing* in in fact very good - and I have an English degree from a major university, I'm not just *saying* that. But I didn't want to read your first story either when I had looked at it because of the formatting. I don't want to have to "work" to read a story. I only gave it a shot on the second one because Terrence was in it (and it *wasn't* slash or gore or anything meant to be shocking). And I'm glad I gave it a chance because you're a very good storyteller. But maybe you should consider an editor.

[Fomalhaut]

Thanks.

Can you be a little more concrete, please? (with examples, maybe)
I'll try to improve!

[Sparky]

That's easy. Here's an exerpt from the first chapter of your second fic:

***
- Wait! – he shouted.
- Why should I? – the girl stopped, without even looking back at him. She was wearing brown pants, a black T-shirt with a red „KOOL” writing on it, and a black baseball cap turned back. The breeze was moving her dark brown ponytail.
- What… what was your name… uh… Sheryl?
- Sheila – she said coldly – and keep that in mind: I trained on an imaginary friend.
***

That's just not how you format dialogue. Try:

***
"Wait!" he shouted.
"Why should I?" The girl stopped, without even looking back at him. She was wearing brown pants, a black T-shirt with KOOLwritten in red on it, and a black baseball cap turned backwards. The breeze was moving her dark brown ponytail.
"What…what was your name…uh…Sheryl?"
"Sheila," she said coldly, "and keep in mind: I trained on an imaginary friend."
***

[Fomalhaut]

Uhm.
Got it... so I should edit my stories with " quotations?
Will try, thanks!

Oh, and thanks for correcting my English!

Wait... will you do me a big favor? What if I sent you my episodes before posting them, so you can take a look at them?

[Sparky]

I'd rather not. I'm terribly unreliable, and you'd want to kill me.

I'll try and remember to post your story and art soon but I'm home sick from work today and not feeling well at all - I'm going back to bed. You can remind me again if I forget.

[Fomalhaut]

Thanks. Did you like my drawn Terrence&Sheila pic?

[Beavergard Q. Kazoo]

I could look at your stories. I have no degrees or anything, but I do excel at conventions (one of the six traits of writing, relating to punctuation, capitalization, etc.).

What do you say?

[Fomalhaut]

Can you please review them? I mean, if you hate them, sending you the chapters won't be such a good idea... (I know this by experience, trust me)

[Cassini90125]

I'd be happy to help out too, if you need me to do anything.

By the way, Sparky's absolutely right. Write what YOU like, and enjoy it. What the slasher fans think (and I use that term loosely) about it is of no importance.

[Fomalhaut]

cassini90125 said:

I'd be happy to help out too, if you need me to do anything.

By the way, Sparky's absolutely right. Write what YOU like, and enjoy it. What the slasher fans think (and I use that term loosely) about it is of no importance.

Will you, really?
But, didn't you say you don't read fanfics after some Scooby-Doo stuff?

[Cassini90125]

Yes, I said that, but I'm willing to trust you for some reason or other. Besides, what I know of the story thus far intrigues me.

[Fomalhaut]

cassini90125 said:

Yes, I said that, but I'm willing to trust you for some reason or other. Besides, what I know of the story thus far intrigues me.

Thank you very much!
May I ask you a favor? I'd be happy if you took a peek at them on fanfiction.net, to see if you really find them interesting.